Fat Sex and FAQs

Warning: Mature content.

So the article was called

FAT SEX: what everyone wants to know but is afraid to ask

and it was written by (I kid you not) msvaginascience :

I’m a fat woman. I’m a fat woman who has had lots and lots of awesome sex almost exclusively with partners much smaller than myself. When I met my current partner a year ago, I was at my fattest, about 150 lbs heavier than he is, making our sex the most drastic in terms of size difference relative to my past partners. Most women I know would not be comfortable with that size difference, and in candid moments, friends have asked, “So, how does that work?” The short answer? It works just great and I love it. There are many misconceptions about how fat people have sex, especially when one partner is fat and the other isn’t. I’m here to explore that topic, specifically the issue of being a fat woman having sex with a smaller partner.

I know many women who would love to have sex with smaller partners but feel that it wouldn’t work mechanically, that two drastically different bodies couldn’t come together in a pleasurable way. Additionally, many women who do have smaller partners tell me they don’t totally enjoy sex because they feel self-conscious, embarrassed, or unfulfilled because they can’t “let go” during sex. This brings me to what I feel is one of the most important parts of enjoying sex as a fat woman:

You’ll need to overcome the idea that your partner doesn’t know how fat you are. 

Your partner knows, and guess what? He or she wants to have sex with you. When I was a young chubbette, I remember trying to contort my body into more “flattering” positions while I was having sex, as if my partner didn’t notice my belly was getting paunchy. I’d arch my back, refuse to do positions that made me “feel fat,” and drape different parts of my body with a blanket or pillow to hide my increasingly chubby body. Sometimes that made me feel more at ease, but mostly it became tedious, distracted me from feeling sexy, and annoyed the crap out of my partner who just wanted to see his hot girlfriend naked. Once I became much larger than I’d been before, I simply refused to have the lights on during sex for the same reason — “He won’t know what my body looks like if I don’t show him.” Well, he totally knew how fat I was, and guess what? He still wanted to have sex with me, and what’s more, he loved having sex with me. It took me a long time to realize that my partners were having sex with me in part because of the way my body looks, not in spite of the way my body looks. It sounds simple, I know, but when you spend your whole life being told that fat bodies are not sexy, it takes some time to realize that sexiness isn’t that simple. This understanding is not something that happens overnight for most of us. Hell, it can take years. But, the sooner you learn (yes,learn) to feel sexy just the way you are, the sooner you’ll be able to enjoy your sexuality more fully. Really, this goes for men and women of all sizes, not just fat women.

Irresistible hook and well-written. But, those questions you’ve been afraid to ask. The tricky ones? Still unanswered.

Ms Science –may I call you, Vagina?–  is quick to disclose (okay brag a little) that her sexual experience is limited to partners smaller than herself. So the suggestions and positions are mostly common sense rather than a down and dirty how-to.

I appreciate the coming of age stories of “how I learned not hate myself” but I don’t want them in every fat positive article I read. I want an article that promises information of how to have fat, happy sex to deliver on the promise. I’m reminded of a time when all the lesbian love stories involved an element of self-hatred and how they overcame it, embraced monogamy and got the happy ending. Those of us who aren’t monogamous and self-hating? Just skip to the end.

To paraphrase: if you’re a fat girl who wants to bang skinny boys; it’s easier than you think. If you’re looking for feel good self-talk/love your sexy self (and to be honest, we all want that sometimes) check out these delicious fattie bloggers complete with sexy, smug, full body pix (no soulful eyes or pretty faces) just grrls walking their buttiful talk.

http://www.themilitantbaker.com/2013/03/things-no-one-will-tell-fat-girls-so-i.html

HOW TO HAVE SEX WHILE FAT: A SHORT GUIDE TO SEXY FUN FOR FATTIES AND PEOPLE WHO F#&@ THEM

http://www.xojane.com/sex/sex-with-a-fat-person

Here are my answers to (some) unanswered questions:

1) Fat girl on top? Depends on her knees, fellas.

2) Strap ons for fat/fat pairings? Rather than struggle with the traditional positions and repositioning bellies and shifting harnesses, go for a thigh harness. Then do it in your most comfortable sturdy armchair. You use your hands (and knee) to effect lift and thrust rather than your hips. You can bounce her (or him) on your knee. Do hold on (and/or encourage your partner to hold on to the chair behind you) so s/he falls forward during orgasm. One of the advantages of bed-sex is you seldom fall off.

3) Cunnilingus without losing the plot or blocking your airways? Use both hands. While holding the labia open to expose the clit, I like to keep the thumb of my dominant hand close so that I can switch back and forth when my tongue or jaw start to freeze up. Notice where your index and pointer finger are in this operation. Regardless how deeply involved they may be, the relative inflexibility of your fingers to the floppiness of the flesh thrashing around them, allows you to either use that joint as a nose rest or if you’re a mouthbreather to create a kind of “air pocket” so you can push in/on rather than pull away to catch your breath.

What questions do you still have? Where do you usually go for answers?

Cameryn Moore on cake and general rules for living

 

The delightful playwright and performer Cameryn Moore (Phone Whore/Slut Revolution) scribbled this on my/her facebook feed the other day. Words to nosh and live by.

camerynoncake

 

Not so subliminal messages

CDC wages war on BBW via WWW etc

Clearly there aren’t any real problems needing money in this country. As evidence: a government sponsored multimedia hatefest going by the name “Weight of the Nation”. If you want to read all about it there’s a complete and brilliant article by the magnificent Marilyn Wann.

http://fatattitude.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/marilynwanndishesback/

 

Here are the some great requoteables from the article.

 

LR_Marilyn_Wann_by_Mark_Richards.jpg

I attended the first, government-sponsored Weight of the Nation conference in 2009. I didn’t pay or anything self-defeating like that. I just walked in (with a brave friend or two) and delivered plastic-wrapped fortune cookies to the fancy luncheon tables where major stakeholders were about to chew on the alleged “obesity” problem. If the professional food scolds took a cookie, they got messages like these:

  • The war on “obesity” is a war on PEOPLE!
  • The No. 1 threat to fat people? Your unexamined prejudice.
  • What’s the word for science that serves bigotry? Hint: It starts with “you.”
  • If you can’t imagine fat people being healthy…that’s YOUR pathology!
  • Tell people to lose weight if you want to endanger public health AND civil rights!
  • How many fat people must you starve, poison, slice up? Celebrate weight diversity now!

And the Orwellian:

  • Weight ≠ Health. Diversity ≠ Disease. Hate ≠ Help.

…and more

When the initial frenzy of Weight of the Nation has calmed down — after everyone has enjoyed this round of hating fat people and there’s been a healthy boost to budgets, profits, viewership, and ad revenue — I predict we’ll hit the same wall that every dieter encounters: the return to reality.

I suggest that reality is not so bad. To keep a grip, ask yourself:

  1. Would you question the motives behind any other national PR campaign designed “for your own good” by major media, corporations, and the government?
  2. If it were any topic other than weight (where you might feel vulnerable), would you be so quick to believe the numbers they cite to justify a “War on [Whatever]“? (Most egregious exaggerations: “Fat people cost ‘us’ billions!” “Everyone’s going to be really fat!” “Our children won’t live as long!”)
  3. Would you rather trust your own judgment about what’s good for you or get swept along by the latest fruitless panic?
  4. Do you want to connect with other people who are saying, “WTF” about Weight of the Nation?

Here are some:

Debate the Weight is a suite of data-supported arguments from the Association for Size Diversity and Health that controvert what they call “one of the most misleading and misguided public health campaigns — ever.”

Nutrition professor Linda Bacon compares Weight of the Nation to bear-baiting in ancient Rome’s coliseum in HuffPo. She writes, “Proponents may think they mean well by deploring the size of roughly half our nation, but it’s easier to rail about fat than examine the commercial and class motives that create the real health and wellness divides we live (and die) with.”

Jezebel editor Lindy West says “being mean to fat people is pointless.” And elaborates: “The assumption that you have a right to legislate another person’s body ‘for their own good,’ or ‘for the children,’ or even ‘because they’re gross,’ is its own kind of crazy — but to inflate that assumption to apocalyptic proportions, railing against the nation-obliterating medical bills of nebulous future straw-fatties, is fucking bonkers.”

Michele Simon, public health lawyer, gives great reasons why she is not attending or watching Weight of the Nation Including this one: “Scientific evidence shows that fat people have enough problems dealing with discrimination, bullying, etc., and the last thing they need is more fearmongering brought to you by the federal government and cable television.”

Slink magazine calls out weight-shaming as wholly unhelpful to health. Its rallying cry: “Because obesity, BMI, and all the other fad words you throw at plus-size women don’t stick or mean anything, and the moment we manage to hold off ridiculing women and our bodies long enough and alter the way we talk about plus size, fat, and our bodies to talking about healthy diet and exercise, the better off we will be.”

Big Sexy

Today’s random Internet score is this beauty!

I’m so enchanted by full figure entertainment and the delicious BBW model search you can expect to see more of these big-bootie-full divas in this blog in the future.

http://www.fullfigureentertainment.com/ffe-model-search-2011/5242-2/magnolia-black/

Magnolia Black – Glam, Neo-burlesque, Vintage

Why do you want to represent FFE?

I want to create positive change and promote self acceptance. I want to add my voice to the chorus of women singing , “We are beautiful, we are worthy, we are intelligent, we are powerful , my dress size does not define me, I design my own possibilities.”

Why are you a role model for other plus-sized women?

Gandhi said, “Be the change you would like to see in the world,” and I am. From burlesque to blogging, I have the ovaries and intestinal fortitude to live my dream unapologetically in my present size and body. I love to encourage others towards the same.

If you could tell FFE fans one more thing about yourself, what would you want them to know?

I went through “it”. From sneak eating to starving, I’d binge and purge on self hate. I believed what “they” told me. Now I know differently. I refuse to let anyone suppress my sensuality, my personality and neither should you. I became free, I became fierce. Let me share all this sexy saucy freedom and fierceness with you .

What is your theme song?

 

Click here to visit this finalist’s official page on Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150455927389988&set=a.10150455925359988.463746.19402074987&type=1&theater

 

Obviously